It's hard to explain how I feel sometimes. Days like today are the worst. I see happy couples, most my friends, and I just want to run up and tell them to just give up because it isn't going to last anyway. A small part of me comes out every now and then that wants at least someone to go through what I did, so that they can feel the same way I do. It is one of the worst things to want in the world, and I know it.
Then I think of what I could have, and don't ever think I will obtain, and get upset. It is more a deep pain and sadness than it is anger. I feel like my heart is in my stomach and going to burst at the same moment. Those moments last a long time, depending on who I'm around. What I really miss is the simple things: a hug from a man who I know cares about me, a soft kiss, listening to a quiet voice tell me something that it has never said to anyone else. Mainly, I want to know that there is one guy, not a family member, who really would do anything for me.
Lately there have been a lot of love songs on the radio, too. This hasn't helped my mood. At first I really like them all, and then I think that I don't have anyone to share them with. That's when I get upset. I think I may have cried three times today, and surprised myself each time. Two of the three times were in the car during a song, and the other was while I was watching The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe. I must enjoy the torture somewhat, though, because I just keep listening to the radio.
This is the song that caught me off guard.
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