I've been really angry, specifically at Jeremy, for the last six months or so. That's a long time for me. I think the only person I've been angry at longer was my ex-husband, for obvious, probably deserved and undeserved, reasons. It got to the point that it was affecting almost everything else in my life, because I was spending so much time upset.
Just over a week ago, I came to a realization after many a talk with him and many memories and conversations relived: Jeremy's his own person, and his needs and wants are different than mine. He's deciding between comfort and progress. Who am I to blame him if he chooses comfort?
And with that realization, all of my anger disappeared. My life has gotten so much better in one week, it's incredible. I have an amazing life.
Why?
- I have a supportive family.
- I have a few friends that really care about me.
- I have the means to travel all over for dance events.
- I got into the Blues Experiment, which gives me a week in a mansion in NC with other motivated dancers.
- I got into an academic conference in Florida.
- I have been commissioned to write a book review, which will make me, officially, a published author.
- I am teaching college starting in two days!
- I am in a graduate school that offers me some amazing learning opportunities.
- I have the opportunity, if I play my cards right, to become a leading scholar in a field I love.
- I don't have to go into debt to pay for graduate school.
- I get to teach blues dancing and earn money doing it.
- I still have plenty of free time to do the things I want and learn new skills as I prioritize.
There are so many other things, but I'll just go with this twelve to start. I'm a person who values progression over almost all else in my life. It makes a lot of people uncomfortable. But I know that for me, getting better at lots of things, and learning new things, is something that brings me personal fulfillment, and I'm not going to let bad blood and emotions get in the way of that.
I couldn't ask for a better life.
