Finale Time

It's the final day up here at Bear Lake for the YSA ward, and we decided to take our boat out one more time for them all.  Things went well; I got the boat off the trailer just fine and I was able to tow two groups of people on the chariot tube we have.  Then, when I went to let my dad pull Travis behind the boat, it wouldn't move.  The engine worked just fine, but the propeller wouldn't engage.  We waited for twenty minutes for my dad's counselor to come and tow us in.

So much for a final boating day.  Every single boat we own is broken now.  It is also ironic that we would have to tow the boat home, because my dad noticed that there was a nail in the boat trailer tire yesterday.  Before he tows it home he will have to change a flat tire.  If it weren't for bad luck, the Adams Family wouldn't have any luck at all.

Also, you know when you see people who are older than you when you are young, and you admire them?  Well, I did that with some of the people up here, but now that I am grown up, they are less impressive.  I hate that, mainly because it lets me know that I am growing up.  Having no reason to find that person more special is definitely proof to me that people are enchanted with those that they find better/more mysterious than themselves.  It also makes me wonder if that is why we fall in and out of infatuation with people, because we find out that they are normal.  If so, how does anybody ever stay with one person for their entire lives?  Those two people must always stay equally mysterious to one another or continually feel that their partner is better than they are.  That's the only way I can see marriage working, because each person strives to be just as good as the other their entire married lives.

Rescue Me!

When I wrote about my trip to Lake Powell last, I was so wrapped up in the way people viewed me that I didn't get to tell about one of the funniest/biggest events that occurred while I was there.  Our group got up early and ate breakfast, and then headed out to see Rainbow Bridge and then head to Dangling Rope and to a swimming spot before heading back to the houseboat.  The Nelson's ski boat only held eleven people, and there were fourteen of us, so we had to take two wave-runners along.

All of us got to Rainbow Bridge and then Dangling Rope without incident.  While we were eating yummy ice cream on the dock at Dangling Rope, Casey Nelson mentioned that the engine light had come on the red wave-runner.  We didn't think much of it, as this occasionally happens with that boat, and we knew that a fuel injector was going bad on it.  When we finished the ice cream, I got on the red boat, and my mom got on the other wave-runner.  Our group figured that it would be okay to have one more person than regulation on that ski boat.

As we pulled out of the marina, we all started speeding up, but my boat started having problems.  It seemed that the fuel injector had completely went bad, because my boat wouldn't go over ten miles an hour when I floored it, and the engine light was on telling me that it was overheating.  Soon it started to smell terrible, and I was worried that if I kept pushing the engine it would explode on me.  So, I let the motor troll along, believing that someone would notice me blowing with all my might on my whistle attached to my lanyard, and come back for me.  Not so.  All too quickly I watched the boat become small in the distance, and I couldn't even see the boat my mom was on.  I watched a ferry go by faster than me.  At this point I was hoping that someone would just take pity on me and tow me back to the marina so I could await my rescue.*

Luckily, my mother noticed that there was no red boat following the Genesis (that other wave-runner) and turned around.  Five minutes later I was on behind my mom on the Genesis and the red boat was being towed behind the ski boat.   We got to the spot that was a good swimming area without event, but our Genesis was running low on fuel.  Guess who got to ride it to the houseboat?  Yours truly.  By the time I got to that houseboat I was running on faith and the promise of cookies (and so was that boat, as the fuel gauge was on empty when I got there).


*Note: My family is known to leave me places and forget me multiple times.  Once, on Thanksgiving day, after we had finished visiting, my parents and my brother left without me and our miniature schnauzer.  I was downstairs in my grandparents' basement, so I got left behind.  I have no clue why the poor dog did.  They got all the way home and my mom says, "Where's Sadie (the dog)?"  Only after that did they ask, "Where's Chelsea?"  They got all the way back to my grandparents' house and picked up the dog, left, and forgot me again!  They remembered a little sooner that time, but still, they left me twice!  This may let everyone know just how long I was prepared to wait for rescue.

YSA Memories

The whole reason I am up here at Bear Lake this weekend is for the Young Single Adult activity.  My dad is the bishop of one of the YSA wards in the Ogden second stake, and so the big activity that was planned was for up at our cabin, for the third year running.  Really, since I've only been up one other time, it really doesn't bother me. 

A couple of years ago, when I was 18, I went to this activity, not that I really had any choice, as my dad was the president of the branch, and I was needed to help out.  When I was there, there was this guy that I hung out with out on the water; I really miss that guy this year.  He was working and cut his hand open on the job, and it was a bad enough wound that it needed stitches.  It still isn't healed, so he didn't come, as he couldn't do anything.  I understand that, and I am fine with him not coming, especially since he took the alternative of going hiking with his family over the weekend.

Still, I remember the way he would go out of his way to help me, and how I would catch him looking at me.  We rode the water wienie with three other people, and we took the back two seats.  Essentially, we controlled that water wienie.  If we wanted everyone off of that thing, we could make it happen.  One time we did just that, falling off before everyone else and yanking the water wienie just enough that we watched them all fall off in slow motion.  I distinctly remember us turning to one another and giving a hi-five with grins on our faces. 

This year, I went on the water wienie, sat in the same spot, with a different guy behind me, and it was fun, but it wasn't the same.  The guy, Brent Jenkins, is ridiculously strong.  He had fallen off the back of that water wienie, and was just holding on with his hands, and managed to pull himself back up through the waves onto the back of the water wienie while the boat was still pulling the water wienie!  I was really amazed.  I kept calling him Blake, though, which is his brother's name, I think.  It made me feel kind of bad, but hey, they do look a lot alike.  Either way, I couldn't bring myself to stop secretly pining for my friend. 

In retrospect of the whole event those couple years ago, I wonder if he was doing all that because he wanted to date me, or found me attractive, at least.  It's nice to think so.  Also, since this guy is still single, I wonder if he will give me a chance, or if we missed our moment that summer.  There have to be more possible moments, right?  I would like to think so.

The "Tell-Tail" Meow

Every time my family goes to Bear Lake we take my Bengal cat, Lex Luther.  He's too high maintenance to be left alone in the house for even a full twenty four hours.  In just twelve hours he's capable of destroying the house, including the toilet paper rolls in the bathrooms.  This time when we took him up my mom and I decided that rather than come back and pick him up after we'd taken care of my grandparents' yard (I'm watering their garden and flowers around their pond as well as feeding their fish.) we'd take him with us and let him roam while we worked.  Lex was decidedly unhappy about this, since he didn't know where we were going.

We stopped at the credit union before we headed over to my grandparents' house so my mom could get some cash from the ATM.  When we were there I had put the window partially down so he could smell outside.  My mom freaked out a bit when she saw his head out, because her philosophy is that if he can get his head out, he can jump out.  She quickly started to roll the window up, which trapped my poor, pitiful cat's head in between the car door and the glass.  He started screaming and trying to get his head out, during which few seconds I was screaming at my mom that she was trying to murder my cat.  Needless to say, my mom felt terrible, especially since that is probably the only grandchild my mom is ever going to get from me.

Worried that my mom had smashed his windpipe somewhat, we took his collar off and checked to make sure he was breathing.  He was short of breath, but he was fine, and told us just what he thought of that incident the rest of the way to my grandparents' house.  Once we got there, though, he really did enjoy himself, particularly when he got to be over by the fish pond and I fed the fish, so he could see them come right up to the top of the pond.  Although he wouldn't get in the water to chase them, he did dip his paws in a bit to get after them.  They never really came close enough for him to get one, though.  That's a good thing, because I do believe that he might have really hurt one/potentially killed one if he did.  My step-grandmother really isn't too nice when it comes to things like that, no matter how cute the animal is.

While there, I ran into the neighbors, and the girl, Jackie, happened to see Lex and told us that she bred Bengals.  I went over to see the two kittens she had, Shiloh and Apollo.  They were really cute, but I wouldn't have traded Lex for either of them.  They were rather more expensive than Lex, too.  I paid 500 dollars for Lex, but she was asking 1000 dollars for Apollo as a pet or 1500 to 1800 dollars for a show cat, and 700 dollars for Shiloh.  Given, Apollo was show cat quality, but it seemed a little high to me.  Shiloh won't go for 700 dollars, I don't think.  He's cute enough, but since he's not show quality and given how old he's getting, she's going to have to settle for a little less. 

When we were finished, we headed towards Bear Lake.  Lex was getting a little jittery and wild, so we put him in his box for the ride up Sardine Canyon, knowing how much he hates it.  He did his usual screaming routine through Sardine, and then calmed down in Logan, but when we hit Logan Canyon, boy were we surprised.  Lex completely through a fit.  Banging up against the walls of his box and trying to rip it to shreds, he was scaring us, so we decided to let him out of it and sit on my lap when we were towards the end of the canyon.  He was happy and stayed calm until halfway around the lake to our cabin, and then he started squirming in my arms and trying to get to where he could open a window (Yes, he is smart enough to do that, as well as open the cupboard to get his milk bowl.  He can also say Mom and Grandma.  My cat is completely and totally awesome).  It was a good thing we got to our cabin when we did, because I don't think that Lex would have made it much longer in the car.

We let him go out and enjoy the outdoors for awhile, and then made him come in and have a nap with us when we were finished unpacking.  The grass was too wet to mow the lawn at the time.  Now he's just fine, but I really hope that he's better on the return trip: more his usual self.  In my opinion, it was all because he had his grandma try to cut off his head using the window this morning.

Angry Moment

So, I hate it when my brother makes me a liar.*  He's on the activities council on the stake level for our YSA ward, and he kept telling me that things were a mess and we get the toughest jobs because nobody communicates anything to us.  He told me we had way too much fruit for the breakfast on the 24th, that the activity was announced an hour late in every ward in the stake for monday, and that nobody takes into consideration how things should be organized to make things more efficient.

When I was talking to my grandparents not ten minutes ago and we were making small talk, I mentioned some of these things when we were talking about the new YSA Stake getting on its feet and running.  Well, when I was talking my Dad came down to talk, and I know he heard some of what I was saying.  After they left I got talking with my Dad, and I know he was disappointed in me.  Why?  My brother had exaggerated/lied to me about EVERYTHING.  Essentially, everything that came out of my mouth was a lie, even though I didn't know it at the time.  It's times like this that I really loathe my brother.  He exaggerates/lies to make things seem more dramatic or exciting, and then wonders why people don't just know he's exaggerating/lying to make a point.  I hate to tell you Dylan, but that makes you look bad, because it means no one can trust what you say, and it makes me look bad because I TRUSTED you to tell me the truth.

It's times like this that make me realize why I am having a hard time being tolerant of anyone.  Nearly everyone around me that were my friends in the past are complete liars and manipulators, and I'm sick of it.  Tell the truth, don't exaggerate, and don't just tell part of the truth, tell the WHOLE story, or you can just forget about talking to me.  If you want my advice, listen to it.  Don't go asking me for it and then get angry when I call the kettle black.  I'm sick of people hanging around me just because my family has some money.  Sorry to tell people this, but it's pretty obvious to me when you try to be my friend just for my money.  I don't have thousands or even hundreds of dollars to spare on my friends, and neither does my dad.  Being a friend means being there no matter what social status someone is at in their life.  Really, I don't know a single person that I could call a friend who has a terrible, destitute life, so nobody should be coming to me with sob stories about how my family is rich and should give them money/pay their bills.**

After being married and divorced within a year, I have come to learn what true friendship is, and that it is based on honesty and trust.  I realize that those things take making a leap of faith, but I feel that one should only take that leap so many times per person before they know where that person stands on the friendship ladder.  Only those that really are of a higher breed make it to the top, and by higher breed I mean have a moral standard that doesn't let them lie to their friends to get what they want.  It's obvious to others when your motives are less than pure, people, and everyone needs to come to that realization and grow up.

*He's done this to me several times now, and he's not the only one.  I often find myself being discredited as a liar because the people I get my information from are complete liars.  Now that I am able to realize this, I am ready to be done with people like that.
**I don't think that anyone that reads this blog has ever done anything like this to me, and if they have it was unintentional.  The people this applies to probably don't read this, or ever will read it, which is probably why it ended up on this blog and not on facebook.  I don't think I really want to cause major arguments with people, but I did need to express how I felt.

Bear Lake and Realization

So, I spent the weekend at Bear Lake, which was overall quite nice, even though I didn't get a heavy workout in yesterday.  The lake is just the right temperature for cooling down and swimming in.  My cousin Bailey and I decided to take a tube down and go out in the water to float on it, but we went too deep before we hopped on it, so it looked really ridiculous when we tried to get on.  The other people in the water were laughing at us, but we were laughing so hard at ourselves that we really didn't care.  We knew we looked ridiculous, but we were having fun.  We went on a couple bike rides on the bike trail, and I went out on the trail one night and took a walk.

Going out on the boat for the first time this year was also really enjoyable.  Even though our anchor rope broke and our boat almost beached before we got to it, and my mom and I were arguing while we got things fixed, which in turn made my dad upset at us, things were fun out on the water.  Bailey and I went on a couple tube rides, and man are we paying for it today.  There was a chariot sort of tube we rode that gave us whiplash and rubbed the skin off of our knuckles, not including the extremely sore backs we have.

Eating the first fresh Utah corn of the year was really great.  Sure, we most definitely paid too much money for it, but it was worth it to me.  There is something about the way that Utah corn tastes that just completely beats out anything California can deliver.

Despite the good weekend, however, I came to the realization that I feel like something is missing in my life.  I don't know what it is, but when I find out I fully intend to get it back/obtain it for myself.  Do you ever wish sometimes that time would just fast-forward itself so you could move past a spot you don't want to be in?  It's not necessarily that the spot you currently hold in life is a bad one, but that you are, in fact, in a mediocre spot on your own personal timeline.  I feel like I've been in that mediocre spot on my personal timeline for quite a few months now, and I feel like I've got quite a few months more before I get out of it.  It feels somewhat like hitting a plateau in your plans.  You don't fall backwards in them, but you have a really hard time moving in a forward direction.  There has to be an extra special push to move you through it.  I don't know what my extra special push in life is going to have to be, but I think it's going to have to be big.

Reflections

Yesterday with my mom made me come to the realization that I'm not very nice to people. I've never been very nice to people in general, but I've always been overly accommodating with my friends and family. I always had a high tolerance level for their mistakes and was never the first one to start an argument. Now I have no tolerance for any sort of mistake on my part or on anyone else's part, creating a lot of tension.

My parents think that it would be good for me to go see a counselor/psychologist to just talk about what has gone on in my life over the past year and so I can move on and get through it. My problem is that the last time I went to one of those people it was overly obvious that they were going to do whatever the parent wanted them to do, regardless of what was really going on. It makes me realize that, as you are paying these people, they really just pretend to care about what is going on in your life. That, and as psychology is a soft science, I really don't put much stock in it. To me, having a "talk about your feelings fest" isn't what is going to help me; I just need time to work out who I am going to be after all this.

People never stay the same; experiences make us grow, and as we experience new things every day, change is a constant. We change our beliefs and viewpoints based on what we experience. Our reality is based on what we see, believe, and experience, so it is pointless to say to someone, "that's not true; those things never happen in life," because obviously it has happened to the person who believes it. Now, this doesn't cover everyone, but it covers the majority.

When my mother was talking to me in the car, she told me that I should just forget the last year and pretend it never happened, because having my marriage annulled means that it never happened. However, based on my knowledge of the definition, which is a formal invalidation, I cannot accept her logic. The annulment just meant that my marriage became invalid, not that it never happened. It was valid before, but now it isn't. Nor can I just erase that year from my mind. In fact, there are many things I would not like to forget about that time of my life. Forgetting everything would mean forgetting my beautiful bunny rabbit Squishie, the smell of the ocean, the feel of the fog creeping around my feet as it rolled off of the ocean onto the peninsula, the sound of sea lions, the fun times I had with my Bengal Lex in our house as we played baseball down the hallway, and so many more beautiful things that shaped my perception of beauty.

Since I can't forget, I must move forward. I feel that I am making progress, but I also know that the next step towards treating people better is gaining my self confidence back. To me, this entails losing about ten pounds, moving out of my house to go to BYU for awhile, and accomplishing the goals I have set for myself at BYU. I love my family, but I feel like a burden because I was on my own and then plopped back into their reality when mine fell apart. If I don't move forward I won't stagnate, but move backwards, and that is the last thing I want anyone to see.

Eurovision 2010

So, I'm ridiculously late to post this, but this was the winning Eurovision song for this year. The contest was held in Oslo this year, as Norway won the competition last year.

Personally, I think last year's winner was better.

You'll have to look up more videos on youtube for 2010 Eurovision if you want to see all the entrants. There is always some strange stuff, but you've got good stuff too. Here's one more, though, that I thought was a decent one. It is the official music video for the song, not the live version, sorry.

Good Days

The last couple of days have been fantastic compared to friday. Megan and I went and saw Inception yesterday, and it was mind boggling. The cool thing was that a lot of the concept had an actual basis in science, with the levels of dreams and whatnot. I was at the edge of my seat the entire time I was watching the show. Really, if you haven't seen this yet, I would suggest going to see it. If you go to Walker Cinemas in Ogden it is cheaper than the Megaplex at the junction. For me, saving four dollars was worth it, because the show is the same at any movie theater. Now I just need to see the Sorcerer's Apprentice, and all my movies will be crossed off my movie-theater-going list.

Also, Megan and I have committed to working out regularly, which is nice, because it is harder to work out when you don't have a buddy to do it with. Today I am really sore, which made me sleep a little longer than usual, so I haven't done a morning workout yet, but I figure I'll go for a walk and burn calories that way. I do need to be pushing myself every day, but I can't force myself to go all out every day without a break, so I'll have to just do a lighter workout this morning instead of a heavy one. I find if I don't do that I don't perform well the rest of the week, and I'd rather take a light workout over not being able to perform at my highest level.

I don't remember if I noted that I didn't get into BYU for Fall semester on here yet, but anyways, I didn't. However, I'll still be moving down there in the fall so I can get a part time job and hopefully finish up my honors great works requirements. I've been doing fairly well on the science and literature ones, but I am severely lacking in my music, art, and film areas. I figure that if I get all of the great works done and the papers written then I will have less on my mind, better enabling me to focus on my honors thesis. In all actuality, maybe not attending Fall semester will be good for me. I can finish up my online classes without having to worry about on campus classes while I do it, and it gives me more time to finish up those classes. Hopefully this will bring my GPA up as well, so I can even graduate with honors. I'm only .3 away from being able to graduate with a 3.5, so I'd better get that calculus class retaken so it will make that D disappear on my records!

Bumps and Bruises

Today was just one of those terrible days. I woke up and after finding out I had gained five pounds, things only got worse. I couldn't find my purse, then I kept forgetting things/having to do them myself because my brother forgot. Then, when things seemed like they were going to take a turn for the better, I went back to Harmons to get the limes I forgot, and I tried to pull into a parking space. There was a car partially intruding on the space I was trying to get into, so I decided to swing a little wider so I could fit in. Little did I know the truck on the other side had an exhaust pipe that extended almost a foot farther out than regular exhaust pipes. It ripped through the front right bottom of my car. That was just the topper on a crappy day. I just sat in my car and cried until my Dad came to help me make sure my car was drive-able. He's so awesome. He left work early just to help me out.

When I got home I calmed down a bit, but then when my mom came home we started arguing and I felt like she was essentially telling me that nothing I wanted was important and that I wasn't trying hard enough to do anything worthwhile. Just when things were starting to get nasty, my dad walked in with Brother Weight and offered to give me a blessing. It's amazing how much better I felt after that. Now I'm tired, but I know things are going to be okay, and I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I can honestly say that's something I haven't been able to do for awhile.

Lake Powell

My family went to Lake Powell for five days this week. The drive was long, and when we got there the highlight of the ride was watching the park ranger try and catch a rattlesnake with a large water container by his toll booth. When we got to the marina and loaded everything into carts (with the help of the family we were going with) to take to the houseboat, I ran to the bathroom to change into a swimming suit so I could help get wave runners off our trailer so we could go scout out a spot to stay for the week. I was happy with my swimming suit on, thinking that it was the first time I was able to hop in a lake this year without a wetsuit, and I was going to enjoy it, and I did, for probably ten minutes.

It didn't take me very long to realize that every single girl but me was model thin and gorgeous with a flat stomach, but me. Here I was, short, overweight, and no flat stomach. It made me upset to think that before I left BYU I used to look like them. It was a good thing I had a life jacket on so they couldn't see my stomach, I thought, knowing that at some point they would.

That point was a couple hours later on the houseboat, and I felt like all of them just stared at me, particularly my stomach. The picture they had all seen in my wedding invitation sported a gorgeous 115 pound woman, and here I was unattractive and 140 pounds, on the boat with two drill team dancers, a gymnast, and a cougareate. Truly, I don't think I was every fully able to get over it the whole trip, even though I told myself I did.

I was never complimented while I was there, and why would I be? I was the most unattractive person on the boat. Despite keeping to my workout plans while I was there and eating correct portions and healthy meals, I gained five pounds. Obviously nothing I do is going to make me lose weight. I've been at this for months, and thought I was making headway when I reached the ten pound weight loss mark, but obviously it doesn't work. As soon as I'm not working out several hours a day I gain back the weight I lost. Seriously, this is the first time in my life that I have considered spending money on cosmetic surgery to lose the weight. I could blame it on zero family support on the matter, but really, it has to be my own fault. I must be doing something wrong, or I'd be losing the weight. This was the main thing I realized while I was on that trip. Somewhat depressing, considering it was supposed to be a fun vacation, and there I was crying every night because I found myself so horrible looking.*

On a lighter note, I did enjoy riding wave runners and going to Rainbow Bridge. Lake Powell is truly a beautiful place, not to mention fun. There was a dinosaur track found by Rainbow Bridge, and it was really cool. If I had brought a camera I would have gotten a picture of it. The place is sacred to the Native Americans, so no one is allowed to go under that rock formation. We got plenty of pictures, though!

I've gotten stronger, despite my weight gain. I can easily pull myself up onto a tube after falling off into water deep enough I cannot reach the bottom, and I can go longer and stay on easier. While there I know I surprised Autumn, the cougareate, because I was stronger than I look (because I guess my muscles are hidden by that fat). I took pride in knowing that I knew how to cook and to do things that the Nelson girls didn't, and that of all the BYU students, aspiring students, and graduates there, I was the only one who aspired to graduate with honors.

Overall, I decided that because I had parents that made me work, I was better able to enjoy the trip. The work made the trip more enjoyable, because I could appreciate the effort that went into all the planning of the trip. The Nelson family's kids were never forced to work, and they'd always disappear just as things needed to be done, and appear as soon as the work was finished. They had it down to an art. I figured that it had to be the reason for how miserable the youngest girl was, because she felt entitled to having everything done for her. This trip truly made me grateful that I wasn't just handed everything in my life.

*Note: This isn't to make people feel sorry for me or to make people say things like, "You're beautiful on the inside, it doesn't matter what you look like on the outside." and "people don't think that about you." This was simply me stating how I felt about myself on that trip, and how I am currently feeling after finding out about my weight gain.

Hogle Zoo June 2010

All of these pictures were taken about a month ago when Sarah and I went to the Hogle Zoo. I promised her I'd upload some of them for my blog. So here you go, Sarah!

Pleasure and Pain

I was chewing on a piece of minty gum while I went on a one mile walk today. When I got in I was thirsty so I threw my gum away and got a drink of cold water. The contact of the mint cool left on my tongue with the water caused that strange slightly painful feeling that I love when those two things meet in my mouth. It remains on my tongue for several minutes after the initial feeling, not as much painful as it is soothing. Every time I have this experience it reminds me that sometimes a little pain is necessary to experience pleasure.

Random Thoughts

When I was in the airport shuttle headed back from Disneyland for the return to Utah, there were a bunch of kids in back playing I Spy. A young girl said, "I spy something brown... uh... or orange. It could be either. I can't tell!" The kids commenced guessing, and it ended up being my hair. So, supposedly I have orange hair.

Yesterday, when I was waiting to be called back for my MRI, I decided to calculate the approximate number of white dots within a certain area of the carpet. I calculated that within an approximate four inch square of carpet there were 54 dots, the ones length-wise containing one more dot than the ones width-wise because of the closeness of the dots going down. Having calculated this, I broke my area down into 20 squares wide and 48 squares long, making the area 192" by 80." After finishing everything up, I estimated that within that area there were 51,840* white dots. Quite a bit, huh?

*Note that when I did this in the room I miscalculated the square by 1 inch the first time, so my initial number was 58,320. Then I looked closer and used the part of your index finger that always equals one inch to calculate where 54 dots in a square would be. It turned out to be 4 inches, so I had to redo everything. This took about fifteen minutes in total, and then I had to check my math on a piece of paper when I got in the car to make sure I did everything right. I can do this, but not a regular stupid math problem. Anyone see the irony?

Unpleasant Experiences

I got vertigo during my MRI. It was the weirdest thing, because it wasn't like I was doing anything that would bring that on, such as flying. I was just laying on my stomach with my head down and my left arm out in front of me for imaging. Oh well. And, yesterday I went to the layton mall to get my eyebrows "threaded" instead of waxed. Supposedly it is a no pain hair removal method, but it felt like someone was taking a razor to my eyelids.

Foreboding Instances

Over the past couple months I keep getting these popups on my computer that are a gay facebook. It was bothering me because I don't go to websites that generate those types of popups. I also noticed that whenever I saw these popups my computer's website history was also deleted. Today I realized there was a connection. My brother had gotten on my computer each time the history had been deleted, and every time that same popup was there. So, with all these instances happening on my computer with the same circumstances superseding each one, it leaves me to conclude that my brother is using my computer to watch gay porn and deletes the history on my computer. He's doing it on my computer so if he slips up he can say that I'm the one watching this porn and he will be free of any consequences. If he's caught he can say that he just got on the computer and it was up on the screen. This may be just an extreme coincidence that could statistically be passed off, but in the real world it doesn't really happen that way, does it?

The Quiet Life's Insight

I spent last night reading Tapestry of Spells, a book by Lynn Kurland. My brother was slightly annoyed, I think, because the cabin is only 725 sq ft and I had a light on which projected into the living room/kitchen where he was sleeping on the couch. He was, however, watching television, which was an equal annoyance to me, truth be told. The book was fantastic, but I stopped last night just after one so I could get some sleep. I finished the book this morning and decided that there are many books with more merit to make good movies than the Twilight Saga. The Nine Kingdoms Series is definitely one of those. The relationships within each trilogy are properly built on growing love for one another and overcoming trials because they help each other, not because one is abusively protective and won't let his lover do anything. Yes, the books are romance and a fantasy story is woven within, but it doesn't feel as much like romance because that isn't the center of the story. The center of the story is the journey that brings people closer together. In the end, I think that's what most stories are about. It's the journey that makes people discover truth, no matter what the cost, that brings us to a realization about life and those we hold dear. When we come close to losing those relationships, or do lose that relationship for a time, it makes for a more determined person.

In reality, life isn't some great magical adventure with fairytale creatures and mages and knights in shining armour. The world has rules that are defined and set in science, and we can't break those to get what we want, but we can look for those qualities that are in the characters we read about. Finding those in a person is rare anymore, but worth it in the pursuit for truth, because they will do whatever it takes to find that truth, even if they don't like the answer, and the will be with you no matter what, because they care about your well being.

While this post may be the least philosophical of all the worded posts I've made lately, I do feel that it is necessary to write it. Sometimes I feel that we forget what life is really about, and if we lose sight of it permanently we will completely miss out. And yes, I do feel that it is necessary to say it out loud every now and then, because it helps us remember.

Vacation Woes

I'm so sick of putting out fires for everyone (in a figurative sense. My parents seemed to misunderstand that colloquialism). My parents invited some extended family to Bear Lake with us this weekend, and I'm already unenthusiastic about the whole thing. The two boys who are my step cousins get here and they start riding four-wheelers faster than they are supposed to on the beach, which was of course encouraged by my brother. They start turning donuts in front of other people's property.

I hadn't been out riding today, so I went to go and ride for a little bit before dinner, and the boys were still out there, turning donuts and ruining people's nice beach. So, as soon as I get down there, going the speed limit and just checking things out, a homeowner on his tractor comes down and flags me down, not the boys. He completely rips me a new one about "us" ruining the beach that they worked hard to mow down nicely. I told him that I had nothing to do with the problem, but that I understood his frustration, and would inform the others what they were doing was bothering them and was inappropriate.

The crotchety old man then went on to threaten to call the cops on me, and stormed off angrily on his tractor towards the water to put in his wave-runners. It was at this point that I realized this was the same man we had given a wave-runner motor to for his purple boat that was the same model as our ruined one. I was really upset at his rude manner. Sure, I understand that you're upset, but yelling at a person who is trying to fix the problem and has helped you in the past isn't going to fix your problem.

I hate being implicated in things that I had absolutely nothing to do with--absolutely hate it. When I come to enjoy myself I don't want to be mediating every situation that causes tension. Yet this seems to be my job everywhere I go. My extended family gets fighting or into trouble and I get to come in and try and get everyone to compromise on issues or get them out of trouble. This is why I don't do family reunions of any sort. I think I may just make a point to live somewhere that I don't have to worry about extended family after I get out of college. For my next ten to twenty years, I want to live quietly in a low key place. And all of this has been decided after only a few short hours with just five of my extended family members and my immediate family.

Intrinsic Value

I'm one of those kids whose parents encouraged spending more time imagining and did so through furthering my education at home. Looking back I realize that I never fit in because I was always a step ahead in school, always bored. This may make people think I've suffered socially, and maybe I have, but I feel that sacrificing social dominance for a higher intellect is worth it. As a kid I was obsessed with geology. My parents encouraged me to start a rock collection and to categorize those rocks I collected by their respective properties. I had pumice, granite, fools gold, and all sorts of rocks which I found special in some way because of their unique defining properties.

Some of those rocks were or more intrinsic value than others, and I believe that we humans are the same way. Not all of us are worth the same in society as others. Those of us that spent our childhoods engulfed in learning instead of the social scene gained more from life than those who spent their time worrying about the next big fad or who was going to be their significant other. We were raised on higher principles: principles of learning and furthering the race through our knowledge, our gift to society as a whole. The masses, who are governed by their inherent sexual instincts and the subconscious need to be accepted by a mass of people, give less to society as a whole because they simply concentrate on having things, never giving.

As I commented on a friend's post about being different because she didn't engage in much girl talk, different is okay. In fact, I'd go so far to say that those of us who spent our girl time differently were of a higher breed. I truly believe that those of us who spent/spend more time thinking about philosophically important matters rather than worrying about what boys think, or any of the frivolous activities that encompass girl time, are focusing on the more important aspects of life. Falling in love is an infinite in the world, governed by chemicals in the brain that stimulate intimate feelings, while philosophical and scientific principles are definite and require intelligence to pursue. Those of us who spent our childhoods fascinated by geology (or other sciences) and historical fact are definitely of a higher intellect, not governed by our instincts.