A Little Bit Stronger

If all of my days this week go like today, it's going to be hard to stay positive this week.  However, I'm really determined to stay happy this week.  I can't let anything keep me down.  Tomorrow should be great. I'm going with my creative writing class to see the Carl Bloch paintings, and then there's a group workshop.  I found out that our final grade in that class is largely based on how much we've improved over the semester, and that gives me hope, because I feel like I've improved my writing the most in that class.

Conference is this weekend.  That's how I mark the year.  That's when I left.  And you know what?  I'm a little bit stronger, and less impervious.  Yes, there's a difference.

Only Prettier

Green isn't my best color.  I went with a group to the dollar theater to see Tron last night, and on the way there got to listen to speculation on whether or not a guy I like likes another girl.  Of course, these two girls speculating didn't realize that I liked the guy they were talking about, but I sat and brooded, even though I told myself I didn't care.  I hate to say it, but sometimes I get jealous.  Maybe that's a good thing.  It means I'm becoming human again.

Of course, at the movie I tried to stay out of the way and let him be with her.  And after a night of observing, I'm just not sure what to think.   I guess the funny thing about it all is that I didn't really think I liked this guy as more than a friend until this moment.  Maybe that's a lie.  Maybe that's what I've been trying to convince myself for the past month.  However, it just hit me that I really do care last night.  So, this song pretty much sums up how I feel about the situation last night.  I'll pretend to be nice, but really, everything I'm saying to you is an insult.

Girls' Night

I didn't sleep over, but I did go for a yummy dinner, and inspirational/spiritual talk, and nail painting.  I just put a clear coat of nail polish over my nails.  I couldn't bring myself to put a color on them.  Typical me, right?

HAAY #7

Tough days call for Hot Man Therapy.

Pirates

I want to see this film when it comes out.  Mimi, you up for seeing it with me?

Bridge Over Troubled Water

And this is probably my favorite Simon and Garfunkel song, even though I know that's not an original thing to say.  It's probably their most popular song, would you say?

One Year Mark

On the week of the 27th, it'll be a year since I left him.  Not since I got my marriage annulled, but since I left.  I think that's worth noting.

I always thought that the one year mark would be a depressing date for me, and that I wouldn't function very well for that entire week.  Ain't gonna happen.

What have I learned from this last year of hell?

1. I will not tolerate abuse from anyone.
2. I am worth it, no matter what one person may say.
3. There's definitely red flags that I'll notice when I start dating again, and avoid the people that I see those markers in.
4. Being single doesn't mean you're alone, or that you're lonely.
5. I can't depend on someone else to build my self esteem.  I have to do that myself.
6. I am intelligent, and not crazy, and I won't let anyone convince me otherwise.
7. It's okay to cry occasionally (but I still have a thing: you don't cry in front of other people if you can help it).
8. When you're on the verge of a mental breakdown, ask someone to come over and do something with you.
9. Exercising is a great way to take your mind off life's troubles.
10. I can set goals, and I can reach them.

Here's to the one year mark.

The Way You Lie

Ever since I got my marriage annulled, songs like this are just too catchy for me to pass up.  Is that a bad thing?

Good song, anyways.

HAAY #6

I saw him in a preview a few days ago, and thought, he'd be a good guy to put a HAAY up for.  Ladies and gentlemen, James Franco!

The 59th Street Bridge Song

I like this version of the song, but I couldn't find a good video that was embedable, so you get this.

Feelin Groovy!

The Thing About BYU...

I really like going to school at BYU, but the thing about it is, relationships!  All of a sudden a bunch of people in my ward are dating, in a relationship, or getting engaged.  It is really, really awkward for me.  Why?  Well, there's a number of reasons, including me not being asked out.

Not getting asked out on dates really doesn't bother me, but it is awkward when I'm talking to a roommate or friend and I ask them what they're doing that evening, and they tell me, "Oh, I'm going on a date!"  Usually whoever I'm talking to is excited to go, and in the course of their answer I get asked, "So what are you doing tonight?"  And of course, I get to answer, "Well, I'm going to do homework and probably go to bed after."  And inevitably, my friend gets a look on his/her face that says Oh, I feel like a jerk now because I was so excited about getting asked out and she never gets a date.  I've been on two dates this semester where I actually went out with people.  One was a blind date, and the guy never called me again.  The other was a "tie date" which was also sort of a blind date, and I now have a friend dating that guy.  If you count making dinner with my friend Anthony as a date, then that makes three.

Really, that's not too bad considering my recent annulment.

Another reason is the awkwardness of walking down my stairs.  My roommates really never tell me when people/boyfriends are coming over, and so, since I usually shower and get into pajamas early in the evening, I'll walk down the stairs in my pjs and no makeup on with my hair a mess to find a guy on the couch waiting for one of my roommates to come downstairs.  AWKWARD.

And then, I am always the one to walk in at the wrong moments.  My roommate Shayla had a boyfriend a couple months ago, and I walked down the stairs to see them kissing.  And that wasn't as awkward for me as it was for her, because they broke up a few weeks later.  And then, last night I walked down the stairs to get a drink, and her and her new boyfriend were kissing on the couch.  Once again, terrible timing on my part.

Oh, and then I'm miss "stick my foot in it" when it comes to keeping up with what's going on.  My roommate Victoria was dating this guy Jeff, one of my friend Anthony's roommates, and so I thought I'd invite his apartment over and Danielle (Steve, that guy that I went on the tie date with is also one of Anthony's roommates, and now my friend, Danielle, is dating him, so it's only right to ask his girlfriend to come) so we could have pizza and play games.  And when I said, Torie, then you and Jeff could make a date of it, she said, "Oh, um, we're not dating anymore.  I broke up with him.  I thought I'd told you that."  Nope, she hadn't and of course I'd bring up a painful subject.  I never went about pulling that game night idea together after that.

So, here I am, being okay with being single, because I don't really want to seriously date someone until at least a year after my annulment, but feeling awkward and pressured to find someone because apparently that's important here.  Really, I do enjoy going out, and I wouldn't mind casually dating a couple people, but truly, I don't think I want a serious relationship right now.  In fact, I don't think I want a serious relationship until after I've gone to study abroad in London next summer.  So, BYU, I'm declaring that I don't think that dating and relationships should be as big of a deal as you make it.

There, I dun said it.

Mrs. Robinson

Original Version


Live version

I love Simon and Garfunkel.  I have this one on my ipod.  And I'm posting this because I have come to the realization that I know people who have never heard this song, and it makes me sad.  I really wish that there was more music like this out there, instead of all the junk music that's currently out.  NOT to say there isn't some great new music being made.  I just don't think that there's very many artists like this out there anymore.  I guess these guys are considered soft/classic rock now.

Who knows, maybe a retro phase will come around?

On a Day Like Today

Days like today make me really annoyed.  I just wanted to destroy everything.  So, instead of destroying, I created.

2 cups cooked chicken 1/2 tsp curry powder(opt.)
2 cans cream of chicken soup 1/2 cup shredded cheese
1 cup mayonnaise 1/2 cup soft bread crumbs
1 tsp lemon juice 2 tbs melted butter

Cook broccoli arrange in greased cooking dish. Place chicken on top of broccoli. Combine soup, mayo, lemon juice and curry pwdr.
Pour over chicken. Sprinkle with cheese. Combine bread crumbs with with melted butter and sprinkle over all. Bake @ 350 for 25 or 30 minutes. Serves 6 to 8


If you don't want to use curry powder, substitute 1/2 tsp salt and 1/4 tsp pepper.  You can also use one can of cream of chicken and one can of cream of mushroom.  That's what I do.


The finished product:

And a good dose of the Doctor.

Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not

I know this is two music posts in a row, but I really like this song by Thompson Square.  The singers are married.  Wouldn't that be a great career?  Getting to work with your best friend every day?

L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N.

Noah and the Whale is an indie folk band from Twickenham, London, England.  I'm pretty sure that none of their stuff gets played on the radio here in the US.  It makes me sad, sometimes, because I really like their music.

Update on Resolutions 2

1. I'm getting there on making a new friend.  I am not counting my roommates, although maybe I should?

6. I'm working on my next afghan for my mom.

11. I didn't do as well on eating three meals a day five days a week, but I did get at least two meals and a snack in each day.

16. I did really good on balancing work and play last month.

17. I've been trying to be more social.  I went to the poetry slam, have been going to FHE, and  I helped Courtney and his running mate Taylor with their BYUSA presidential campaign.  I'm helping them tomorrow, too.

20.  My two books read for fun this month were Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury, and Mississippi Trial, 1955 by Chris Crowe