Today has been one of those days for me. You know what I mean: the ones where it goes beyond the sneaky hate spiral. I spent the day unhappy about everything, for unknown reasons. Perhaps I should reexamine my life. Anyways, then I realized that my netbook doesn't properly show the new post creator on the screen, and it just was the topper on the whole issue of having to take care of a two year old when I was supposed to be enjoying my vacation at Bear Lake, because if it weren't for her I would never have had to get online to blog about it. This is just a huge excuse and rationalization for not wanting to take care of a toddler over the weekend.
I generally wouldn't care, so I don't know why I care now. She's my cousin's daughter. Maybe it's because I really wanted to relax. Also, since I didn't get to work out today, I can't justify all of the terribly unhealthy things I ate today. It made me realize that when I'm angry or anxious about anything, I tend to eat more, and I would hate to let my lack of self control deter me from my goal of being 135 by the time I get to BYU. I'm six pounds away, and I really don't want to blow it now. I keep telling myself I would have gone on at least a bike ride today, but then it had to go and rain with a huge thunderstorm. Don't get me wrong, thunderstorms are great, but not with a two year old.
Days like today remind me that lifestyle changes are hard, and sometimes we fail. The point is to get back up and going again. The don't let life get you down thing. I would all it a ploy, but that is a little cynical for the context I'm using it for in this post. Yes, I realize that this post is a completely lame one, and possibly bordering on ridiculous for the self-pity posts that are undeservedly posted on here, but I needed to get it off my chest, and I don't have my paper journal up here. I forgot it. So forgive me my faults of having problems with tending kids when I don't want to, and the repercussions that has on the way I view my life, and in turn my personality. It's really a good thing that I don't want to have kids---anytime soon.
I completely COMPLETELY understand with basically every single thing you have said. life style changes are so hard. But it will be worth it.
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