Lake Powell

My family went to Lake Powell for five days this week. The drive was long, and when we got there the highlight of the ride was watching the park ranger try and catch a rattlesnake with a large water container by his toll booth. When we got to the marina and loaded everything into carts (with the help of the family we were going with) to take to the houseboat, I ran to the bathroom to change into a swimming suit so I could help get wave runners off our trailer so we could go scout out a spot to stay for the week. I was happy with my swimming suit on, thinking that it was the first time I was able to hop in a lake this year without a wetsuit, and I was going to enjoy it, and I did, for probably ten minutes.

It didn't take me very long to realize that every single girl but me was model thin and gorgeous with a flat stomach, but me. Here I was, short, overweight, and no flat stomach. It made me upset to think that before I left BYU I used to look like them. It was a good thing I had a life jacket on so they couldn't see my stomach, I thought, knowing that at some point they would.

That point was a couple hours later on the houseboat, and I felt like all of them just stared at me, particularly my stomach. The picture they had all seen in my wedding invitation sported a gorgeous 115 pound woman, and here I was unattractive and 140 pounds, on the boat with two drill team dancers, a gymnast, and a cougareate. Truly, I don't think I was every fully able to get over it the whole trip, even though I told myself I did.

I was never complimented while I was there, and why would I be? I was the most unattractive person on the boat. Despite keeping to my workout plans while I was there and eating correct portions and healthy meals, I gained five pounds. Obviously nothing I do is going to make me lose weight. I've been at this for months, and thought I was making headway when I reached the ten pound weight loss mark, but obviously it doesn't work. As soon as I'm not working out several hours a day I gain back the weight I lost. Seriously, this is the first time in my life that I have considered spending money on cosmetic surgery to lose the weight. I could blame it on zero family support on the matter, but really, it has to be my own fault. I must be doing something wrong, or I'd be losing the weight. This was the main thing I realized while I was on that trip. Somewhat depressing, considering it was supposed to be a fun vacation, and there I was crying every night because I found myself so horrible looking.*

On a lighter note, I did enjoy riding wave runners and going to Rainbow Bridge. Lake Powell is truly a beautiful place, not to mention fun. There was a dinosaur track found by Rainbow Bridge, and it was really cool. If I had brought a camera I would have gotten a picture of it. The place is sacred to the Native Americans, so no one is allowed to go under that rock formation. We got plenty of pictures, though!

I've gotten stronger, despite my weight gain. I can easily pull myself up onto a tube after falling off into water deep enough I cannot reach the bottom, and I can go longer and stay on easier. While there I know I surprised Autumn, the cougareate, because I was stronger than I look (because I guess my muscles are hidden by that fat). I took pride in knowing that I knew how to cook and to do things that the Nelson girls didn't, and that of all the BYU students, aspiring students, and graduates there, I was the only one who aspired to graduate with honors.

Overall, I decided that because I had parents that made me work, I was better able to enjoy the trip. The work made the trip more enjoyable, because I could appreciate the effort that went into all the planning of the trip. The Nelson family's kids were never forced to work, and they'd always disappear just as things needed to be done, and appear as soon as the work was finished. They had it down to an art. I figured that it had to be the reason for how miserable the youngest girl was, because she felt entitled to having everything done for her. This trip truly made me grateful that I wasn't just handed everything in my life.

*Note: This isn't to make people feel sorry for me or to make people say things like, "You're beautiful on the inside, it doesn't matter what you look like on the outside." and "people don't think that about you." This was simply me stating how I felt about myself on that trip, and how I am currently feeling after finding out about my weight gain.