Peace

For the first time in a long while, I can say that I feel at peace.  These last few weeks have been hectic, and my emotions and thoughts have been raging against each other.  Last night I was mulling things over in my head because I couldn't sleep.  When I mull things over I generally listen to music that most of my friends dislike: Taylor Swift, for example.  I was listening to her song Speak Now when I just thought, you know, that's what I need to do.  It's now or never.  I'd rather live knowing I did it than regret that I didn't.


So, I got up the nerve to type up what I wanted to say on my phone, and didn't send it, because I wanted to make sure I wasn't up in the night (no pun intended).  I asked a couple friends what they thought, and then waited until the morning (well, later morning, as 1 AM is technically morning.) to ask for an in-person encounter.  After I did that the songs just kept coming up that remind me of him.  Does that sound stalkerish?  Well, I hope it isn't.

Then I still couldn't sleep, and went down to get a drink.  Derek called.  Yes, here it was, 1:35 AM and he calls.  It was just what The Doctor ordered.  We answered each other's prayers.  Say no more.  I love being on the same page with that guy.  We help each other through things whenever we need it.  And we seem to always need it at the same time.

And tonight, as I write this, all the songs that I listen to as a comfort are playing on the shuffle.  It took seven months, but I know that I'm finally ready to move forward and feel again.  While writing this, the perfect song to that thought came on.

Seems I was walking in the wrong direction
I barely recognized my own reflection, no
Scared of love, but scared of life alone
Seems I've been playin' on the safe side baby
Building walls around my heart to save me, oh
But it's time for me to let it go.

Yeah, I'm ready to feel now
No longer am I afraid of the fall down
It must be time to move on now
Without the fear of how it might end
I guess I'm ready to love again.

Just when you think that love will never find you
You run away but still it's right behind you, oh
It's just something that we can't control

Yeah, I'm ready to feel now
No longer am I afraid of the fall down
It must be time to move on now
Without the fear of how it might end
I guess I'm ready to love again.

So come and find me
I'll be waiting up for you
I'll be holding out for you tonight

Yeah, I'm ready to feel now
No longer am I afraid of the fall down
It must be time to move on now
Without the fear of how it might end
I guess I'm ready, ready to love again.

I'm friends with the girl I spoke about in the metaphor post; she's really nice.  I'm okay with whatever answers I get.  I'm just ready to move forward with my life.  Stagnating has never been something I do well.  That is probably why I have finally decided to move.  Then I'll do everything better, hopefully.