These last few days have only been so-so, and then today just made me want to cry until I went to the Jazz Game. I've been having lots of motivation issues when it comes to school, and I haven't been 100 percent in my physical health either. I feel tired and look tired. When, a few days ago, a guy who's blog I read asked for comments on our thoughts about women in the work field (LDS Church thing when it comes to having a family and working, and what is appropriate), I thought I'd submit my thoughts. This is what I said.
I can't say I'm wholly indifferent on the topic, because having grown up in a family with parents that weren't always active in the church, I was raised a little differently. Growing up I was taught that I could do anything I wanted to do; this included having a family and a job. That's why, when I came to BYU and expressed my belief that I could do both, I was blown away and upset when my first religion professor told me I was a sinner and that I only had one choice: to give up my occupational dreams and raise a family, or I was going to hell.
Since then I've heard many of my leaders express this same belief, and I won't lie, it hurts to hear that these men believe that women should give up all their dreams and "do as they're told" as soon as they get married. I've even been told that if I get married in college I should give up getting an education and start having kids. Having heard all this and taken it with a grain of salt, my belief in making decisions through prayer and study has been solidified. I firmly believe that I need to have a college education, and that God wants me to have all the knowledge I can acquire in this life. I believe that after I get that knowledge, if I'm not married, I can get a job and enjoy having a career until I get married and decide to start a family. Once that decision is made, I believe that a woman should talk with her spouse and pray about the decision that they've reached together for confirmation from the Lord that the decision is the right one.
After I wrote this I nearly forgot about it, so when I went back on his blog to read a different, post, I was surprised to find that someone had written this in response to my comment. I have no clue who wrote it. The author left their name anonymous.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the person above is mildly exaggerating.
"going to hell"? "sinner"? Did the professor really use those words? Or did you choose to perceive it harshly because you were already sensitive to the issue? No prophet has ever said that women should "give up getting an education".
"It is so important that you young men and you young women get all of the education that you can." - Gordon B. Hinckley, Inspirational Thoughts
"In his day, President Brigham Young encouraged women to get an education. This is still good counsel..." - James E. Faust, What it Means to be a Daughter of God
These 2 quotes popped up after about 3 seconds of searching on lds.org. I feel confident there are many more.
If people really say that, be the bigger woman and don't let it affect you, knowing they are fundamentally wrong. If people really didn't say that... let's not fall into the abyss of drama.
This post just topped off my not-feeling-good day. I hate when people don't believe me, and when people blindly accuse me of lying. Whether they outright say that I'm a liar or not, their word choice and patronizing tone already confirms that they think I'm a liar. So, just like that, I decided that I'd better clarify what I said.
Yes, I did actually have a teacher say that to me at BYU using those words. I wasn't exaggerating, and I didn't feel I was being dramatic. I know what the church leaders have said, and when I was speaking about my leaders I was speaking of my ward leaders telling me that I should give up my education when I get married to have a family, not the General Authorities. I know the ward leaders who have said such things to me are fundamentally wrong, but I can also see where their misconceptions come from. Anonymous, you may think that I am exaggerating, but if you came to live in Plain City where I do for a month you might just change your mind about what you said.
Furthermore, I don't believe you read my full comment, or you would see that I am being the bigger person by strengthening my faith in Christ and moving forward without grudge towards those people.
I feel that what I said was justified, and that I wasn't exaggerating or being dramatic. Not only do I hate drama, but I hate to become dramatic in my speech. Truly, I love Plain City, but many of the people within my home ward have been anything but kind to my family. I don't ever expect most people to understand what it feels like to be blackballed by an entire community; in fact, I wouldn't want them to. I just want people to believe me: trust that I'm an honest person. When this anonymous person wrote that, it cut me to the core. I wanted to cry just like I wanted to cry when the professor I spoke of called me a sinner for wanting to work and have a family. If I hadn't have gone to the Jazz game with my father less than an hour later, I might have sat down and done just that.
This all leads to the question, when did people become so uncivil, unforgiving, and accusatory? We should expect people to give us the benefit of the doubt that we are honest until we give them reason to believe the contrary. LDS people should be even more so like this. Society has decided that it is okay to treat one another terribly. Whenever you turn on the television and watch a reality show you can see it. As Christians, we should be the first in line to denounce such behavior. To me, this comment made by Anonymous was one of these unforgiving, uncivil, accusatory attacks on someone's honesty. It not only hurts, but it strengthens my theory that Christianity is a good religion, but that people aren't good Christians.
Yes, I've forgiven this person through my writing this post; I wouldn't want someone to think I'm holding a grudge towards an anonymous entity. I can't help but believe that this person truly thought that they were helping me realize my faults and correct them, and I can't wrack my brains in anger for long enough to even be upset at that one individual. What it makes me do is sorrow for the world and what it is becoming. As we lose the ability to believe that people are upright and honest with one another, we lose the ability to be civil and kind to those around us. We lose the heart of a happy community.
No comments:
Post a Comment