The Worst Poison

"Perfume and a good dance. Best tasting poison I've ever had the displeasure and foolishness to take willingly . . ."

My friend said that. 

He's right.

He's the same way I am. I'm the same way he is. I am always telling friends to "just go for it," and "you'll never know unless you ask," and "if you like him you should make sure to hang out with him more often until he asks you out," and "you should just ask him out; who says that guys are the only ones who can do the asking?" But I'm too chicken. I just assume that if he wanted to ask me out he would have done so a long time ago. I've come a long way from where I was; I ran away from what I was and what I thought I wanted; I came to something new, and better than the last try. But I'm afraid to try again. And I never get closure.

"Why the hell don't you jump? Try? 'You can only get closure' is what you would tell anyone that asked for your opinion. You'd make it seem so simple. They'd try it and say you were right as you either congratulated them or comforted them; either way you both know they did the right thing. But you? No such courage, no such sense to follow your own 'good advice'."

He said that.

Sounds familiar, right here in my head.

Only Prettier

Green isn't my best color.  I went with a group to the dollar theater to see Tron last night, and on the way there got to listen to speculation on whether or not a guy I like likes another girl.  Of course, these two girls speculating didn't realize that I liked the guy they were talking about, but I sat and brooded, even though I told myself I didn't care.  I hate to say it, but sometimes I get jealous.  Maybe that's a good thing.  It means I'm becoming human again.

Of course, at the movie I tried to stay out of the way and let him be with her.  And after a night of observing, I'm just not sure what to think.   I guess the funny thing about it all is that I didn't really think I liked this guy as more than a friend until this moment.  Maybe that's a lie.  Maybe that's what I've been trying to convince myself for the past month.  However, it just hit me that I really do care last night.  So, this song pretty much sums up how I feel about the situation last night.  I'll pretend to be nice, but really, everything I'm saying to you is an insult.

The Most Awkward Subject

Guys.  It always seems to come up.  Whether I want the subject to come up or not.  Sure, the general talk about them isn't hard.  There's general responses for that.  It's when I need advice on guys that it sucks. Or, when I have to give advice.  I really don't know which is worse.

When you have to ask advice about a certain guy, then you run the risk of the person you ask being indiscreet in their actions after you ask them.  So, then, who do you ask?  Well, if you want to ask girls that he's friends with, which you would think would be best because they know him the best, then you run the risk of them just out and telling him.  Is that a good or bad thing?

Also, I feel really awkward asking anyways.  It seems a rather frivolous activity, looking for a relationship. Especially when the guy is silent unless you talk first, and then the silence gets so loud you don't think you've ever heard it quite that loud, but you still like him.  It's like a game of cat and mouse, but you don't know who's who.

Then, when people ask me about relationships.  Well, we already know how that goes with me, as evidenced here.  Still, lately I've tried to answer.  The tough thing about that is that you have certain things you want to say, but you can see in the girl's eyes, or hear in her voice, that she thinks that she's heard it all before and that I'm just saying things to try and make her feel better.  Why do we even ask each other for advice on guys, then?  Why don't we just ask other guys?  Well, I don't get any good answers from other guys.  It usually consists of the words, "Um, I dunno."  Or, there's the general, "You're over-thinking things."  Sometimes I think the second answer is warranted, but sometimes I think it's just a fallback answer.

I hope Ryan doesn't mind, which I guess he shouldn't because he posted this on facebook, and I don't even think he reads this.  Still, I think that his answer to why this time in life is hard was a good one.

The Challenge of this stage in life is finding someone you can do everything with and share everything with. Someone who's goals and ambitions will be your goals and ambitions which you will work toward together. Someone with which you can work out happiness, just as the Savior has asked us to. Someone with the courage to tell you when you are falling short and then reaches out to help lift you back up and loves you in the process. If you can find one with which you can do that and you will find yourself working to build an eternal relationship and an eternal family. Be mindful, this will be the one with whom you will be tried, tested, burdened, purified and exalted with. This will be one who will come to see you as you really are, all your faults, imperfections, habits, and insecurities yet they will love you despite them. You will come to find yourself doing the same for them. You will work with them, make decisions with them, cry, mourn, and stress with them; laugh, love and rejoice with them. It will not be easy, but it will be worth it. Just be the person you need to be and be grateful. Do all things in wisdom and in order.