You Didn't...

No, no I didn't.  I find myself a coward/extremely shy around him.  So no, I didn't say what I planned to.  I still don't feel like I can tell him, because I don't have the foggiest idea what he thinks.  Talking to Carianne and Becky helped quite a bit.  Somehow, some way, I've got to get over myself, ask that question, and then move forward on one road or the other from this fork.  That's all.

The More Tired I Get...

Last night we had a party at my house.  It was probably about ten thirty when I started talking to Jen Weston and Nick Taylor.  By then I was tired enough not to care so much about what I told people.  The problem with this is that I say what I think, minus a few key points, which are remembered at a later time, and then I kick myself because whoever I speak to doesn't know those few key points, which changes my comments drastically, often making me look like a jerk.

For instance, I recall saying to Nick and Jen that all the guys I've dated were "stupid."  I didn't say, "excluding your brother, Nick" or "stupid in that they didn't treat me right, not that they were per-say unintelligent."  I recall saying that I got flowers on my car with a note on monday and I thought it might be his brother that left them, but I didn't say that I didn't know if it was or not.  I didn't say that I don't guess at those things, but that several people believed it was something Ryan would do for me.

The latter of the two received comment from Ryan last night.  I quote from a text, "Agreed.  However there is one thing I feel I should clarify.  Nick said you told him somebody left you flowers and a nice note on your car on monday and that you thought I had done it.  Though I would love to take credit for being that thoughtful and that it sounds like something I would do I have to admit that it wasn't me.  Whoever did it is awesome but it wasn't I who did it.  I couldn't take the credit for someone else's gesture, so sorry to tell ya but you'll have to keep wondering who it was.  They're a good friend whoever they are."

So, what do I do?  I reply with "Well, to add onto what I actually told Nick, I don't guess at those things, and had previously ruled you out because your handwriting, though similar, isn't an exact match.  Carianne persuaded me otherwise because you had written something similar on her car once.  She had a pretty good argument for it.  Although it bothers me not to know, I think I appreciate the beauty of the gesture.  I think I'd better be careful what I tell your brother, too, or you may end up with a very large amount of information I'm not sure I want you to have yet, as my opinion of you isn't fully formulated yet."

Yes, I need to be careful what I tell Nick when it comes to his brother.  Does he think that what I said about the guys I've dated included his brother, or does Nick even know or consider out to dinner once a date?  Does he even remember me saying it?  Really, I need to work on what I say to people, no matter how tired I am.  My people skills have always been a bit lacking, so it isn't surprising that I make mistakes like this in social situations.  However, I think I can blame part of that from last night on watching too much Bones before the party.  It is the equivalent of talking to Kestin for a few hours before going to a party (yes, I've done that too, which then leaves me on an anthropology kick that I can't get off of).  When I am around my favorite people, I tend to alienate the masses.

On the bright side.  The party was fun, and a lot of people came.  More people than I thought: a lot more.  I was glad that I had help from Savannah and Ryan to get things ready for the party, or I wouldn't have pulled it off.  Pie, a movie, and conversation made for a fun night.  Not bad for the first party I've ever held at my house.

The Sweetest Thing

Yesterday was particularly uplifting.  The night before I had gone to a movie night, and even though it was fun, I left in a somewhat terrible mood.  I was upset, and I couldn't figure out why.  In the morning I didn't even make a point to get out of bed before ten, which is a particularly daunting thing when looked at closely (I haven't been in that bad of a mood in weeks).  Sunday, however, was just what I needed.  The lessons were fantastic at church, and then there was the CES fireside with the apostle Richard G. Scott.

The entire speech was on happiness in dating and marriage, and what builds the foundations for a happy marriage and family.  Between all the laughter at different comments made throughout the course of the evening, there were a lot of enlightening things said.  The beauty of the lot of it was that I had just told Carianne Hirano what I was looking for the second time around in a guy, and that Elder Scott reaffirmed my decision.

One of the best things he told guys was to have a little ingenuity when it came to dates, and that men should show the woman they love that they love her by telling her, and by doing the little things such as writing a note of encouragement or giving her flowers.  The reason I bring this up is because this morning this showed up on my car window:

I had to put two pictures of the flowers up on here; I couldn't help it.  They're really pretty.  

I don't know who these are from and I don't know why he/she did it, but it is the nicest thing anyone has done for me in a long time.  It made my day at 7:30 this morning, and it has kept me happy thinking about it all day.

Play One Day, Sick The Next

I woke up this morning with the flu.  I've never experienced pain quite like it.  It felt like every rib in my chest had been broken, and I wished that I didn't have to breathe.    I'm glad it's over now.  Hopefully that's the worst case of the flu I'll get this year. 

However, yesterday was great.  It all started with the movie Lagaan at that ended at three in the morning.  Carianne Hirano brought it up to show us.  We had to watch it with subtitles, because it was a Bollywood movie, all in Hindi.  The movie was over three hours long, but it was fun to watch.  I tell you, trying to understand a game of Cricket that early in the morning wears your brain out when it is the first game of Cricket you've ever watched.

After a few hours of sleep, everyone got up for breakfast and then got ready and went out on the boat.  Savannah Combe wakeboarded first, and then Ryan Taylor went out and learned to kneeboard.  Then Carianne learned to kneeboard and then tried to learn to wakeboard.  Finally, I decided to get into the water to wakeboard.  The water was really rather cold for this time of year, but I acclimated to it after awhile.  I only wakeboarded a couple of times.  Ryan got seasick, because the boat had been stopped for so long and the waves were rocking the boat.  Carianne and I went tubing, and then Ryan and Savannah went.  Ryan felt much better once he got into the water. 

When we got off the boat and went up to the cabin, my mom's coworker Erin was there with her kids.  We got a veggie tray ready and some chips and salsa to eat before we went out on the waverunners and boat.  The water was rough when we got the waverunners into the water, and since one of our waverunners was not functioning correctly, Ryan and I ended up on the yellow two person boat in the choppy water.  This would have been fine, but it tips over really easy in the rough water with one person, let alone two, and it is hard to get back on when you are in the deep water.  Carianne and Savannah were on the four person "tuna boat" and so the ride was a lot smoother for them.  I guess I didn't tell them that they should stay close, and they went all the way to Cisco beach in the chop, and we followed them to flag them down.  It took that long to do so.  That's several miles in the choppy water on a machine that flies out of the water when it hits a wave of a large size. 

Ryan drove the waverunner on the way there and part way back.  When he stopped a wave caught the boat in the wrong way and we fell off.  It was a good thing that Savannah and Carianne were behind us at that point, because Ryan couldn't get back on our boat.  He kept falling off.  I jumped off and swam to him to get the lanyard to hook on the boat so I could drive by Carianne and Savannah's waverunner and let Ryan jump on the back of mine.  By this point the ride wasn't as fun as it was on the way out, because the wind was picking up and it took a lot of strength to stay on the boat.  This could also have something to do with the fact that I was driving and it took a lot more effort to stay on the boat.  Needless to say, we're both sore today.

We came in and switched waverunners, which was nice for Ryan and I, because then we were able to enjoy ourselves in the chop without exerting the last of our energy.  Then we came in and helped finish getting dinner ready.  We ate pork loin, corn, and dutch oven potatoes.  Awhile later we went on a bike ride.  My family has two beach cruisers and a tandum bike.  Savannah has a bucket list, and on that list was to ride a tandum bike.  She was able to cross that off her list.  Ryan and I rode it back to find out that the tires were running low. 

When Savannah and Carianne left, Ryan and I went back out for a last run on the waverunners.  The water had calmed down, and we had some fun before the sun went down.  Then we cleaned up and got raspberry shakes at Hometown Drive In.  It was nice to talk to Ryan, although I often feel that I do all the talking.  I feel like I pry when I ask questions, so I rarely ask them.  So, after we got back we got ready for bed and watched Merlin (well, in between sleeping) and then I let Dylan switch me spots and sleep on the airbed and went into a room to sleep. 

Then this morning the first paragraph of this post happened.  Ryan and my dad went home to go to church; they're coming back this evening.  Tomorrow, if my luck keeps turning for the better, I'll be able to go four wheeling with everyone.