Whenever I tell a couple that I'm happy for them when they get into a relationship, engaged, or married, I feel a twinge of guilt somewhere in the back of my mind because I know I'm not being completely honest with them. A part of me is extremely jealous.
When I take the time to examine this part of my thought process, I feel extremely upset about it, because by being jealous, that means I'm rooting for the relationship to fail simply because I don't have one. What right do I have to deny another person happiness, especially if I'm friends with that person?
I've asked myself that a lot lately.
Not to say that I don't really, truly mean it when I tell a couple I'm happy they're engaged. I was truly happy to hear my friend Kim Welch was engaged to Victor Doroghian. And I was really happy when my friend Jen Weston got married to Nick Taylor.
Still, the more likely response is a smile and a "I'm so happy for you!" But in reality I'm thinking, that makes me so depressed. Go be blissfully happy somewhere not around me. When someone has lost in love, I'm much better able to deal with that. I can handle sad people. Not that I want people to lose in love all the time, but I don't really like to see other people succeeding in love when I can't get a date to save my life.
Most of the time it really doesn't matter to me that no guys want to date me, but surges of new relationships, engagements, and marriages throw me into a broody mood.
And I thought I'd share that broody mood with everyone today, because I felt like it needed to be said, or I was going to go insane.
Showing posts with label Nick Taylor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nick Taylor. Show all posts
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Saturday, September 18, 2010
The More Tired I Get...
Last night we had a party at my house. It was probably about ten thirty when I started talking to Jen Weston and Nick Taylor. By then I was tired enough not to care so much about what I told people. The problem with this is that I say what I think, minus a few key points, which are remembered at a later time, and then I kick myself because whoever I speak to doesn't know those few key points, which changes my comments drastically, often making me look like a jerk.
For instance, I recall saying to Nick and Jen that all the guys I've dated were "stupid." I didn't say, "excluding your brother, Nick" or "stupid in that they didn't treat me right, not that they were per-say unintelligent." I recall saying that I got flowers on my car with a note on monday and I thought it might be his brother that left them, but I didn't say that I didn't know if it was or not. I didn't say that I don't guess at those things, but that several people believed it was something Ryan would do for me.
The latter of the two received comment from Ryan last night. I quote from a text, "Agreed. However there is one thing I feel I should clarify. Nick said you told him somebody left you flowers and a nice note on your car on monday and that you thought I had done it. Though I would love to take credit for being that thoughtful and that it sounds like something I would do I have to admit that it wasn't me. Whoever did it is awesome but it wasn't I who did it. I couldn't take the credit for someone else's gesture, so sorry to tell ya but you'll have to keep wondering who it was. They're a good friend whoever they are."
So, what do I do? I reply with "Well, to add onto what I actually told Nick, I don't guess at those things, and had previously ruled you out because your handwriting, though similar, isn't an exact match. Carianne persuaded me otherwise because you had written something similar on her car once. She had a pretty good argument for it. Although it bothers me not to know, I think I appreciate the beauty of the gesture. I think I'd better be careful what I tell your brother, too, or you may end up with a very large amount of information I'm not sure I want you to have yet, as my opinion of you isn't fully formulated yet."
Yes, I need to be careful what I tell Nick when it comes to his brother. Does he think that what I said about the guys I've dated included his brother, or does Nick even know or consider out to dinner once a date? Does he even remember me saying it? Really, I need to work on what I say to people, no matter how tired I am. My people skills have always been a bit lacking, so it isn't surprising that I make mistakes like this in social situations. However, I think I can blame part of that from last night on watching too much Bones before the party. It is the equivalent of talking to Kestin for a few hours before going to a party (yes, I've done that too, which then leaves me on an anthropology kick that I can't get off of). When I am around my favorite people, I tend to alienate the masses.
On the bright side. The party was fun, and a lot of people came. More people than I thought: a lot more. I was glad that I had help from Savannah and Ryan to get things ready for the party, or I wouldn't have pulled it off. Pie, a movie, and conversation made for a fun night. Not bad for the first party I've ever held at my house.
For instance, I recall saying to Nick and Jen that all the guys I've dated were "stupid." I didn't say, "excluding your brother, Nick" or "stupid in that they didn't treat me right, not that they were per-say unintelligent." I recall saying that I got flowers on my car with a note on monday and I thought it might be his brother that left them, but I didn't say that I didn't know if it was or not. I didn't say that I don't guess at those things, but that several people believed it was something Ryan would do for me.
The latter of the two received comment from Ryan last night. I quote from a text, "Agreed. However there is one thing I feel I should clarify. Nick said you told him somebody left you flowers and a nice note on your car on monday and that you thought I had done it. Though I would love to take credit for being that thoughtful and that it sounds like something I would do I have to admit that it wasn't me. Whoever did it is awesome but it wasn't I who did it. I couldn't take the credit for someone else's gesture, so sorry to tell ya but you'll have to keep wondering who it was. They're a good friend whoever they are."
So, what do I do? I reply with "Well, to add onto what I actually told Nick, I don't guess at those things, and had previously ruled you out because your handwriting, though similar, isn't an exact match. Carianne persuaded me otherwise because you had written something similar on her car once. She had a pretty good argument for it. Although it bothers me not to know, I think I appreciate the beauty of the gesture. I think I'd better be careful what I tell your brother, too, or you may end up with a very large amount of information I'm not sure I want you to have yet, as my opinion of you isn't fully formulated yet."
Yes, I need to be careful what I tell Nick when it comes to his brother. Does he think that what I said about the guys I've dated included his brother, or does Nick even know or consider out to dinner once a date? Does he even remember me saying it? Really, I need to work on what I say to people, no matter how tired I am. My people skills have always been a bit lacking, so it isn't surprising that I make mistakes like this in social situations. However, I think I can blame part of that from last night on watching too much Bones before the party. It is the equivalent of talking to Kestin for a few hours before going to a party (yes, I've done that too, which then leaves me on an anthropology kick that I can't get off of). When I am around my favorite people, I tend to alienate the masses.
On the bright side. The party was fun, and a lot of people came. More people than I thought: a lot more. I was glad that I had help from Savannah and Ryan to get things ready for the party, or I wouldn't have pulled it off. Pie, a movie, and conversation made for a fun night. Not bad for the first party I've ever held at my house.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Three...
This is the third day in a row that has been fantastic. Last night I texted a few people to see if they wanted to come boating at Willard Bay with Savannah Combe, Megan Moulding, my mom, and me. Carianne Hirano had to work, or she would have come, and I didn't get a text back from anyone else, so I figured it was just going to be the four of us. I was excited anyways, because sometimes it isn't as fun with big groups.
In the morning my mom and I got up and went to Smith and Edwards for some candy, two life jackets, and a tow rope. When I got back my mom got a call on her cell phone from Ryan Taylor for me. He had tried to call me on my cell phone, but I didn't have it on me; it was charging in my room. He wanted to know what time we were headed out to go boating, because he wanted to come. After I got off the phone with him I had to call him back because I forgot to tell him that his brother, Nick, could come too, if he wanted. Meanwhile, I got a text from Megan saying she was going to be at Weber State University most of the day and wasn't going to be able to come.
Everything was okay, though, because Ryan and Nick were coming, which made up for the missing person plus one. My mom and I were going to make sandwiches with the jalepeno cheddar bread and honey smoked turkey I bought on monday, but my dad had eaten all but one piece of the turkey, so we went to subway and got three footlong subs to take along with us for lunch. We got back and started packing everything, and finished just in time; Savannah showed up and then Ryan and Nick. We put things on the boat that we needed, and then after my mom found the truck keys that she lost and I locked up the house, we were off to the Bay.
When we got out on the Bay, Savannah and I started off the fun on the tube. We had a couple of good biffs and had a lot of fun, ending the ride with jumping off the tube. Then Nick and Savannah went. Savannah is very exuberant, so it is always an adventure to ride the tube with her. When Ryan, my mom, and I were talking about it, I looked up and said, "You know, I can't tell if Nick is enjoying himself with Savannah, or bearing it." Right then Nick had a strange look on his face and waved at Ryan followed by Savannah slapping Nick on the back. We laughed hard. It couldn't have been more perfect timing.
Next I went kneeboarding. It was my first time of the year, and so I didn't go as long as usual. However, it was fun swerving in and out of the wake and trying to turn a 360. I only got as far as a 180 before I turned back the way I had come. After I got off Ryan and Lisa (my mom), and I went swimming for awhile, which ended when we talked Ryan into riding the tube. His hand got cut up pretty bad on the job while he was in Virginia, so he didn't know if riding the tube would rip the cut back open or not. It didn't rip open, though, while he and I rode the tube. We both fell off once, and then I just fell off all of the other times. The last time I fell off, Nick and Savannah tried to pull me up on the bow of the boat from the water so that we could just go with Ryan on the back in hopes to throw him off the tube. I couldn't get up. I still believe that had a lot to do with my life jacket.
So, after those shenanigans Nick and Savannah rode again. This time I mainly just rode in the bow with my eyes closed, with Ryan at the back of the boat doing the same thing. When they were done tubing we went back into the marina. Altogether, we probably boated for about four and a half hours. We went between talking and singing the songs on the radio on the way home.
Throughout the entire trip Savannah was convinced that Ryan was trying to kill her, and said he had tried four times. I did see him successfully push her off the boat into the water once. So, mainly she talked to Nick and tried to avoid Ryan. That made me laugh, because she kept trying to bring me into the middle of it by unknowingly insulting him. I caught on quickly.
Even though the day isn't all the way over, and I did promise Savannah that I'd go to swing dancing with her, I know that the day is going to end well. Once again, I am amazed at how well this week has gone. So, if the rest of the week doesn't go as well as the last three days, I won't complain, because if some mediocre or bad days are the price of three amazing ones, I'm willing to pay it.
In the morning my mom and I got up and went to Smith and Edwards for some candy, two life jackets, and a tow rope. When I got back my mom got a call on her cell phone from Ryan Taylor for me. He had tried to call me on my cell phone, but I didn't have it on me; it was charging in my room. He wanted to know what time we were headed out to go boating, because he wanted to come. After I got off the phone with him I had to call him back because I forgot to tell him that his brother, Nick, could come too, if he wanted. Meanwhile, I got a text from Megan saying she was going to be at Weber State University most of the day and wasn't going to be able to come.
Everything was okay, though, because Ryan and Nick were coming, which made up for the missing person plus one. My mom and I were going to make sandwiches with the jalepeno cheddar bread and honey smoked turkey I bought on monday, but my dad had eaten all but one piece of the turkey, so we went to subway and got three footlong subs to take along with us for lunch. We got back and started packing everything, and finished just in time; Savannah showed up and then Ryan and Nick. We put things on the boat that we needed, and then after my mom found the truck keys that she lost and I locked up the house, we were off to the Bay.
When we got out on the Bay, Savannah and I started off the fun on the tube. We had a couple of good biffs and had a lot of fun, ending the ride with jumping off the tube. Then Nick and Savannah went. Savannah is very exuberant, so it is always an adventure to ride the tube with her. When Ryan, my mom, and I were talking about it, I looked up and said, "You know, I can't tell if Nick is enjoying himself with Savannah, or bearing it." Right then Nick had a strange look on his face and waved at Ryan followed by Savannah slapping Nick on the back. We laughed hard. It couldn't have been more perfect timing.
I think after all this we ate lunch. Ryan had brought not fully ripe plums with him. They were amazingly good. I couldn't imagine eating them any other way. Also, I found out that Ryan loves one of my favorite candies: Nerd Ropes! He joked that he was just like a Nerd Rope---sour on the outside and sweet on the inside. It made me smile.
So, after those shenanigans Nick and Savannah rode again. This time I mainly just rode in the bow with my eyes closed, with Ryan at the back of the boat doing the same thing. When they were done tubing we went back into the marina. Altogether, we probably boated for about four and a half hours. We went between talking and singing the songs on the radio on the way home.
Throughout the entire trip Savannah was convinced that Ryan was trying to kill her, and said he had tried four times. I did see him successfully push her off the boat into the water once. So, mainly she talked to Nick and tried to avoid Ryan. That made me laugh, because she kept trying to bring me into the middle of it by unknowingly insulting him. I caught on quickly.
Even though the day isn't all the way over, and I did promise Savannah that I'd go to swing dancing with her, I know that the day is going to end well. Once again, I am amazed at how well this week has gone. So, if the rest of the week doesn't go as well as the last three days, I won't complain, because if some mediocre or bad days are the price of three amazing ones, I'm willing to pay it.
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