Ian Frazier

So, every friday this fall semester I have been going to the English Reading Series at BYU.  The main reason for that is because I am enrolled as a student in that class, but anyways...  Ian Frazier, the best essayist in America, came to BYU to do a reading, and I just had to post my reaction.

This was quite possibly the best reading I have been to all year.  From the beginning of this reading to the end I was mesmerized, having no clue what was coming next.  Ian Frazier has truly earned the title as the best essayist in America.  Those of us who came in and thought that this would be just a regular reading were very pleased to find that we would be brought something much better.

The first thing that comes to mind on this wonderful morning that I am spending in Missouri is the essay called Bad Advice.  Just like they trusted a book to tell them that a paper bag would not catch fire if covered in grease and put in coals, I trusted that my shampoo bottle was strong enough to hold shut and not spill because it was in a secure position.  My wonderful bag was full of dress clothes that needed to be worn this morning at eight o’clock AM.  After a rather long and bumpy flight and tedious drive to the hotel, I opened my bag to discover that all of my clothes were covered in the green goo that was my shampoo.  The bag was covered in it, and my companion and I couldn’t get it out completely.  All my clothes are currently hanging up to dry in hopes that they will be dry enough to wear in six hours.  I suppose that I could use my blow dryer to try and dry them faster, but with my luck the clothes would catch on fire.  It was my own bad advice that was followed, but still it was bad advice.  So, for those of you that are traveling, I would suggest putting your liquids in a ziplock baggie so that if things spill it is an easy cleanup.  

There are several things that come to mind when I think of Ian Frazier, and the first thing seems to be the words THOU SHALT NOT.  I loved how he took the time to reword scripture into something that is hilarious and great to listen to.  I realize that some would call it blasphemous (especially zealots on BYU campus), but looking at it in a literary perspective it is brilliant.  Which brings me to a list of my own Thou Shalt Nots.  Thou shalt not put shampoo in a luggage without it first being put in a ziplock baggie.  Thou shalt not try and ascertain which way south east points without first consulting the lady who works at the parking lot in the rental car center.  Thou shalt not forget the directions which the parking lot lady shall tell thee.  Thou shalt not blame the parking lot lady for giving bad directions.  Thou shalt not blame the car stereo for the bass being too loud, nor shall thou blame the people who made the machine, for it was not their fault that the bass was so high it shook the whole car when thou tried to turn on the radio to a decent station.

I typed this up while I was in Missouri, quite obviously.