Weekend Lesson

My cat had me up at 3 AM yesterday.  I'm pretty sure that while I was outside on the beach with him, in the dark, I was falling asleep standing up.  If my cat does that to me, and I don't really like to handle it, then I'm almost 100 percent sure that babies are a no go for me.  I don't do the "get up at the crack of dawn" routine every day.  I tell you, I get the least amount of sleep at Bear Lake because my cat bites my legs to let me know when he thinks it is time for me to get up.

For the most part, I enjoy being up at Bear Lake.  I'm not really a people person, so I don't like large groups up there, but I am okay with some family.  My cousin J.J. came up for the first time in a couple of years.  It was fun to have him up again.  What isn't fun is fighting with my mom.  Maybe it was because we had so many people up there--people make me cranky--when I wanted a relaxing weekend pretty much free of hosting.  I don't know.  Still, I fought with her more this weekend than I have in a few months.  I'm used to this kind of interaction with my mom; for a long time it was the only way we could communicate anything at all.  But I don't like it.  When we fight like we did on the way home from Bear Lake, I seriously consider moving back to Provo early just so I can get out of her hair.  Then I get some sense knocked into me and decide that I need to stay, because I'm going to fight with whomever I live with, and I can't always just up and leave, so I need to learn to live with the people I'm going to fight with.

So why don't I just try and be nice and ease the situation?  Half the time I don't even expect my mom to get angry over what I'm doing, saying, or both.  And usually I don't feel like I'm out of line, so I'll yell right back at her.  When I do realize that I'm out of line, I've tried the apologizing route.  That works less than half the time to get rid of the coming argument.  So, I just decide to nearly always stick to my guns, even if I'm in the wrong, until after she's cooled her jets.  And this is probably really bad, but many times I'm too prideful to apologize.  I probably should apologize, even if I'm in the right.  Agree to disagree, you know?

I grew up learning to watch what I said.  Keep my opinions to myself, you know?  As I get older I'm finding this thing is harder to do.  With family, friends, and people that annoy me.  This is a problem, because it puts me well on my way to ostracizing my family and friends.  I mean, I really don't have THAT many people that I really call friends--more just acquaintances--and the couple that have stayed with me probably will keep on staying, because I've already been mean and they've stayed.  I've never been a people person, ever.  I don't have to change that, but I do need to start keeping my opinions to myself again, because in order to function in society, I have to keep my mouth shut.

And that's what I've learned from this weekend at Bear Lake.