Over The Edge

I walked into my room this evening, sat down at the computer, and thought, my room smells like black licorice.  Why does it smell like black licorice?  I HATE black licorice.  So, I took out my wallflower, which obviously wasn't destroying the awful smell, lit a match, and then lit my root beer candle.  The smoke from the match smells better than the black licorice smell.  I'm just now starting to smell root beer.  It is times like these, however, that I wish I had my cherry lime ricky candle at home instead of in my condo at BYU.

I'm almost certain that the black licorice scent has added to my vindictive mood tonight.  There's only a couple people that I'm feeling vindictive towards, and when this sneaky hate spiral comes along, it just takes one little thing, like the smell of black licorice in my room, to tip me over the edge.  Actually, though, the one person I thought I was going to be upset at the most for completely forgetting we had a date (or some variation thereupon), I couldn't even be mad at.  For the first time in a couple weeks, I feel good and normal around Ryan.  After realizing that I was the Martha Jones of the situation, I've been pretty okay with whatever comes my way concerning him.

However, I'm pretty sure that there is still some leftover burning annoyance at my ex-husband, who literally begged me to come back to him (he won't tell you that's what happened, but that's how it went down).  Really, I'm okay with helping the guy out when there's no one else to do so, but please, give me a break!  Those couple of weeks last month really tested my patience.  I found out that I am very capable of holding my tongue when it comes to what I actually want to say versus what is proper and polite to say to a person, even when that person is your ex-husband that did you so much wrong he doesn't deserve the courtesy.

I think there's such a thing as being too good of a person.  Sometimes I think that I am that kind of person.  Not always, but sometimes.  I tend to find that when I think that, I get in this kind of vindictive, spiteful mood.  So, if you're not that well acquainted with me and find me in one of these moods, please just be cautious.  Even though I'm generally good with holding back my annoyance at people and life, sometimes it comes out (when I'm a good girl, it usually only comes out in the form of a journal entry or blog post, such as this).