This Guy

So, to understand the significance of this post, you have to know a bit about last week.  My birthday was last week.  On Sunday.  That was a good day.  The next day wasn't.  I went to get my driver's license in the morning, because you can't renew your driver's license early when you turn 21, for obvious reasons.  It was Columbus Day.  Can't get a new license.  So I drive back to school on an expired license.  And then I met with my group for my group midterm in my Honors class, and I was broody because I was the only one that could answer every question, and that I missed FHE (some of my friends in my group I only see at FHE, so yeah, broodiness).

Tuesday.  I find out that I lost my student ID card.  I think I will be able to find it somewhere, so I don't get a new one.  I skip my last class because I'm feeling particularly broody, and then think, well, I might as well go get my license.  I get to the place they tell you to go on the website.  That isn't the place to get your license.  I finally get to the little community bank thing that has the drivers license renewal place on the second floor.  I get in there, start filling out the forms, and they say, "We're not serving anyone else.  We usually stop serving people at 4:30."  Well then, why don't you lock your doors at 4:30 so no one else comes in????

I was upset, not just because of that, but because occasionally I have really bad memory days.  So, I cried, and then went and got myself calmed down by driving around and buying something.  Hell if I remember what it was.

Wednesday was meh.  I did poorly on a plurals test in my Arabic class and wanted to cry.  I had a speaking appointment afterwards, and wanted to run and hide, not because I didn't do well in the appointment (my partner and I always do well) but because when I was leaving, I went to slide my chair in, and the top of my chair pulled off.  I fixed it, but that didn't stop me from being uber embarrassed by the look my teacher gave me as he said, "Chelsea!"

Thursday, and I still can't find my ID card.  I feel a little stupid about being broody over it because my friend Courtney lost her laptop (she still hasn't found it, poor girl).  I have a midterm, so by the time I get done with my midterm I just wanted to go to bed.  I didn't get homework done for the rest of the week for my Arabic class.  Sad day.

Friday was okay, but that's probably because I don't really remember what happened.  Oh yeah.  I got a new ID card because I couldn't find it, and I played DDR with my roommate Kelsey.  That was good, because I feel like I'm better friends with her now.  Roommate bonding time.

Now for what you've all been waiting for.  This Monday wasn't looking so hot.  I woke up and seriously debated if I wanted to get out of bed.  I STILL hadn't done my Arabic homework.  I decided I had to get up and go to school.  Good call.

My teacher in my Arabic class asked us what we did on the weekend, and the answers that came from the guys about girls made me laugh so hard I almost cried.  And my teacher just kept feeding off of their funny comments (made funny because they didn't know what they were saying in Arabic).  I laughed so hard I forgot why I was sad.  So here's to a great teacher, who makes me laugh at least once almost every day in class.

Ustaaz Yusuf Nielsen (Professor Joseph Nielsen. . . picture commandeered from facebook)

Bam.  I got you all on here, reading this, thinking that I've found someone special (and a couple of you are still thinking, 'Well, maybe you have") and it's all about a teacher.  The power of advertising, people.  The power of advertising.

On a Day Like Today

Days like today make me really annoyed.  I just wanted to destroy everything.  So, instead of destroying, I created.

2 cups cooked chicken 1/2 tsp curry powder(opt.)
2 cans cream of chicken soup 1/2 cup shredded cheese
1 cup mayonnaise 1/2 cup soft bread crumbs
1 tsp lemon juice 2 tbs melted butter

Cook broccoli arrange in greased cooking dish. Place chicken on top of broccoli. Combine soup, mayo, lemon juice and curry pwdr.
Pour over chicken. Sprinkle with cheese. Combine bread crumbs with with melted butter and sprinkle over all. Bake @ 350 for 25 or 30 minutes. Serves 6 to 8


If you don't want to use curry powder, substitute 1/2 tsp salt and 1/4 tsp pepper.  You can also use one can of cream of chicken and one can of cream of mushroom.  That's what I do.


The finished product:

And a good dose of the Doctor.

Alone

There comes a time when you realize that you have no one, and sometimes when it comes to losing it you really want someone.  Someone to tell you that there's a future, no matter how hopeless you feel now.  Sometimes you just need a person to look at your work and tell you that there's one thing, just one thing, that you did right, no matter how small it is.

When your gut feeling that the class is going to be brutal to your work is true, that's when you want someone--someone to offer a hand for you to squeeze tight so you don't cry in front of everyone--so you don't walk out on something that is supposed to be helpful.  You want someone to tell you that it is okay to cry after everything is over, and that they will be your shoulder to cry on.

It's when you don't have anyone that you are forced to be strong and do everything in the proper order without help--to realize that you managed to not cry in front of everyone, and that surely there's someone who will workshop something that was just as terrible as your piece.

Sometimes we're not as strong as we'd like to think we are.  I need to know that it's okay to cry--that occasionally my physical state should be taken into consideration before I go in, so I know how much I can take.  Being sick today wasn't the best state to be in before going into class to take an emotional beating.  I need to realize that most people don't know how to give constructive criticism, and that when people are harsh they are really just trying to help out.

I'm not going to have anyone for a long time, so I might as well get used to it, grow up, and get over these ridiculous feelings. I either have to face that my writing is crappy and try to fix it, switch genres and work in something that I am less emotionally invested in so the fact that my writing is crappy doesn't bother me, or quit.  The fewer things that people take personally, the happier they are.

Don't worry too much, I just needed to bounce that off someone in a way that didn't involve actually speaking to another person.  Every now and then it is good to be able to work through things in writing.  The emotions disappear into the words, and then I'm able to function again.

The Mystery Giver

I really like when this person leaves me things.  My mom found this on our doorstep a few days ago, and  it made me really happy.  When there are weeks as miserable as this one, it seems that the treats show up, and it makes me feel better, because I know that someone's going to be leaving me yummy things on my doorstep or car window.

When You Have A Bad Day

When I have a particularly bad day, I find that nothing helps to turn it around more than watching a couple episodes of Red Dwarf.  It is one of my all time favorite television shows.  When I was little, my parents used to let me stay up until eleven on Saturday nights just so I could watch it.  It's one of those shows that only gets more humorous with time.



The start of a great series.



We all agree on what Rimmer is, and we all love Cat.

All in all, whenever I watch this show, I forget why the world was so terrible to me during the day.

You'd Better Believe It

These last few days have only been so-so, and then today just made me want to cry until I went to the Jazz Game.  I've been having lots of motivation issues when it comes to school, and I haven't been 100 percent in my physical health either.  I feel tired and look tired.  When, a few days ago, a guy who's blog I read asked for comments on our thoughts about women in the work field (LDS Church thing when it comes to having a family and working, and what is appropriate), I thought I'd submit my thoughts.  This is what I said.

I can't say I'm wholly indifferent on the topic, because having grown up in a family with parents that weren't always active in the church, I was raised a little differently. Growing up I was taught that I could do anything I wanted to do; this included having a family and a job. That's why, when I came to BYU and expressed my belief that I could do both, I was blown away and upset when my first religion professor told me I was a sinner and that I only had one choice: to give up my occupational dreams and raise a family, or I was going to hell. 

Since then I've heard many of my leaders express this same belief, and I won't lie, it hurts to hear that these men believe that women should give up all their dreams and "do as they're told" as soon as they get married. I've even been told that if I get married in college I should give up getting an education and start having kids. Having heard all this and taken it with a grain of salt, my belief in making decisions through prayer and study has been solidified. I firmly believe that I need to have a college education, and that God wants me to have all the knowledge I can acquire in this life. I believe that after I get that knowledge, if I'm not married, I can get a job and enjoy having a career until I get married and decide to start a family. Once that decision is made, I believe that a woman should talk with her spouse and pray about the decision that they've reached together for confirmation from the Lord that the decision is the right one.


After I wrote this I nearly forgot about it, so when I went back on his blog to read a different, post, I was surprised to find that someone had written this in response to my comment.  I have no clue who wrote it. The author left their name anonymous.


I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the person above is mildly exaggerating.

"going to hell"? "sinner"? Did the professor really use those words? Or did you choose to perceive it harshly because you were already sensitive to the issue? No prophet has ever said that women should "give up getting an education".

"It is so important that you young men and you young women get all of the education that you can." - Gordon B. Hinckley, Inspirational Thoughts

"In his day, President Brigham Young encouraged women to get an education. This is still good counsel..." - James E. Faust, What it Means to be a Daughter of God

These 2 quotes popped up after about 3 seconds of searching on lds.org. I feel confident there are many more.

If people really say that, be the bigger woman and don't let it affect you, knowing they are fundamentally wrong. If people really didn't say that... let's not fall into the abyss of drama.


This post just topped off my not-feeling-good day.  I hate when people don't believe me, and when people blindly accuse me of lying.  Whether they outright say that I'm a liar or not, their word choice and patronizing tone already confirms that they think I'm a liar.  So, just like that, I decided that I'd better clarify what I said.


Yes, I did actually have a teacher say that to me at BYU using those words. I wasn't exaggerating, and I didn't feel I was being dramatic. I know what the church leaders have said, and when I was speaking about my leaders I was speaking of my ward leaders telling me that I should give up my education when I get married to have a family, not the General Authorities. I know the ward leaders who have said such things to me are fundamentally wrong, but I can also see where their misconceptions come from. Anonymous, you may think that I am exaggerating, but if you came to live in Plain City where I do for a month you might just change your mind about what you said.

Furthermore, I don't believe you read my full comment, or you would see that I am being the bigger person by strengthening my faith in Christ and moving forward without grudge towards those people.


I feel that what I said was justified, and that I wasn't exaggerating or being dramatic.  Not only do I hate drama, but I hate to become dramatic in my speech.  Truly, I love Plain City, but many of the people within my home ward have been anything but kind to my family.  I don't ever expect most people to understand what it feels like to be blackballed by an entire community; in fact, I wouldn't want them to.  I just want people to believe me: trust that I'm an honest person.  When this anonymous person wrote that, it cut me to the core.  I wanted to cry just like I wanted to cry when the professor I spoke of called me a sinner for wanting to work and have a family.  If I hadn't have gone to the Jazz game with my father less than an hour later, I might have sat down and done just that.  


This all leads to the question, when did people become so uncivil, unforgiving, and accusatory?  We should expect people to give us the benefit of the doubt that we are honest until we give them reason to believe the contrary.  LDS people should be even more so like this.  Society has decided that it is okay to treat one another terribly.  Whenever you turn on the television and watch a reality show you can see it.  As Christians, we should be the first in line to denounce such behavior.  To me, this comment made by Anonymous was one of these unforgiving, uncivil, accusatory attacks on someone's honesty.  It not only hurts, but it strengthens my theory that Christianity is a good religion, but that people aren't good Christians.  


Yes, I've forgiven this person through my writing this post; I wouldn't want someone to think I'm holding a grudge towards an anonymous entity.  I can't help but believe that this person truly thought that they were helping me realize my faults and correct them, and I can't wrack my brains in anger for long enough to even be upset at that one individual.  What it makes me do is sorrow for the world and what it is becoming.  As we lose the ability to believe that people are upright and honest with one another, we lose the ability to be civil and kind to those around us.  We lose the heart of a happy community.

Don't Ever Look Back

It's hard to explain how I feel sometimes.  Days like today are the worst.  I see happy couples, most my friends, and I just want to run up and tell them to just give up because it isn't going to last anyway.  A small part of me comes out every now and then that wants at least someone to go through what I did, so that they can feel the same way I do.  It is one of the worst things to want in the world, and I know it.

Then I think of what I could have, and don't ever think I will obtain, and get upset.  It is more a deep pain and sadness than it is anger.  I feel like my heart is in my stomach and going to burst at the same moment.  Those moments last a long time, depending on who I'm around.  What I really miss is the simple things: a hug from a man who I know cares about me, a soft kiss, listening to a quiet voice tell me something that it has never said to anyone else.  Mainly, I want to know that there is one guy, not a family member, who really would do anything for me.

Lately there have been a lot of love songs on the radio, too.  This hasn't helped my mood. At first I really like them all, and then I think that I don't have anyone to share them with.  That's when I get upset.  I think I may have cried three times today, and surprised myself each time.  Two of the three times were in the car during a song, and the other was while I was watching The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe.  I must enjoy the torture somewhat, though, because I just keep listening to the radio.


This is the song that caught me off guard.

Bumps and Bruises

Today was just one of those terrible days. I woke up and after finding out I had gained five pounds, things only got worse. I couldn't find my purse, then I kept forgetting things/having to do them myself because my brother forgot. Then, when things seemed like they were going to take a turn for the better, I went back to Harmons to get the limes I forgot, and I tried to pull into a parking space. There was a car partially intruding on the space I was trying to get into, so I decided to swing a little wider so I could fit in. Little did I know the truck on the other side had an exhaust pipe that extended almost a foot farther out than regular exhaust pipes. It ripped through the front right bottom of my car. That was just the topper on a crappy day. I just sat in my car and cried until my Dad came to help me make sure my car was drive-able. He's so awesome. He left work early just to help me out.

When I got home I calmed down a bit, but then when my mom came home we started arguing and I felt like she was essentially telling me that nothing I wanted was important and that I wasn't trying hard enough to do anything worthwhile. Just when things were starting to get nasty, my dad walked in with Brother Weight and offered to give me a blessing. It's amazing how much better I felt after that. Now I'm tired, but I know things are going to be okay, and I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I can honestly say that's something I haven't been able to do for awhile.