Hmph

Whenever I tell a couple that I'm happy for them when they get into a relationship, engaged, or married, I feel a twinge of guilt somewhere in the back of my mind because I know I'm not being completely honest with them.  A part of me is extremely jealous.

When I take the time to examine this part of my thought process, I feel extremely upset about it, because by being jealous, that means I'm rooting for the relationship to fail simply because I don't have one.  What right do I have to deny another person happiness, especially if I'm friends with that person?

I've asked myself that a lot lately.

Not to say that I don't really, truly mean it when I tell a couple I'm happy they're engaged.  I was truly happy to hear my friend Kim Welch was engaged to Victor Doroghian.  And I was really happy when my friend Jen Weston got married to Nick Taylor.

Still, the more likely response is a smile and a "I'm so happy for you!" But in reality I'm thinking, that makes me so depressed.  Go be blissfully happy somewhere not around me.  When someone has lost in love, I'm much better able to deal with that.  I can handle sad people.  Not that I want people to lose in love all the time, but I don't really like to see other people succeeding in love when I can't get a date to save my life.

Most of the time it really doesn't matter to me that no guys want to date me, but surges of new relationships, engagements, and marriages throw me into a broody mood.

And I thought I'd share that broody mood with everyone today, because I felt like it needed to be said, or I was going to go insane.